Parents today are stressed, burned out, and struggling to keep it together. Between rising costs and the pressure to give our kids every opportunity, it’s no wonder so many of us feel overwhelmed.

Why Are Parents So Stressed?

There are a lot of reasons for this stress (hello, inflation and skyrocketing child care costs!). But there’s something more beneath the surface too—the pressure to create the perfect experience for our kids at all times. We feel like they have to be in the perfect school, participate in the right activities, have a variety of experiences, and be busy all the time. It feels like if our kids aren’t able to fulfill all of their dreams, we’re failing.

Those of us who are late Gen X or early Millennials (Xennials), grew up with the promise that if we went to college, the world would open up to us and success was guaranteed. But that has not turned out to be reality. Instead, our generation is working as hard as we can to make ends meet and are barely getting by.

So it makes sense that we’re trying to give our kids better opportunities. It feels like success is no longer guaranteed, and if we don’t give our children every possible advantage, we worry they’ll fall behind. As parents, we’re constantly questioning ourselves: Am I doing enough? Should I be enrolling my kids in more activities? Am I giving them enough experiences?

This pressure, plus all of the other stressors parents face, is so intense that the U.S. Surgeon General has declared parental stress an urgent public health issue.

“Parents have a profound impact on the health of our children and the health of society. Yet parents and caregivers today face tremendous pressures, from familiar stressors such as worrying about their kids’ health and safety and financial concerns, to new challenges like navigating technology and social media, a youth mental health crisis, an epidemic of loneliness that has hit young people the hardest. As a father of two kids, I feel these pressures too.”

— U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy

The Financial Impact of Modern Parenting

As a financial coach, I see this dynamic with my clients every day. They’re already dealing with the high costs of child care, housing, groceries, clothing, and saving for college. But on top of these essentials, they’re also spending enormous amounts on extra activities—camps, sports, lessons, gear, the list goes on. Part of this is social pressure and part of it is that it’s just plain hard to say no to your kids.

I want to be clear: there’s nothing inherently wrong with paying for these things. I’m not trying to shame you or make you feel bad for doing this. It’s completely understandable to want to give your child every opportunity to thrive.

At the same time, it's important to understand the financial (and emotional!) impact of these expenses. Because there’s a good chance that they are contributing to stress and causing you to unknowingly make sacrifices on things that may be more important to you.

Are Kids’ Activities Causing You Financial Stress?

Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to spend money on your kids than on yourself? If so, you’re not alone.

But this can often get us into trouble faster than we could have imagined. Kids’ expenses are not cheap and they add up quickly.

So it’s important to consider the impact on your overall financial health:

Are these expenses causing you financial stress?
Are they contributing to living paycheck to paycheck or carrying debt?
Are you sacrificing things that are important to you—like your savings, retirement, or financial security—to cover these costs?

When you evaluate any expense in a vacuum, it will almost certainly feel important. If I ask you if your kid's expensive lessons/activities are worth it, the answer is almost certainly an enthusiastic yes! Of COURSE it is important to give your child experiences that they enjoy and that help them grow.

But what if you think about it in relation to the bigger picture of what you really want in life?

Is It Worth It in the Big Picture?

Let’s consider the broader context of your life and goals. Is spending money on all these extras still worth it if:

You’re constantly stressed about money and that stress is negatively impacting your family dynamic and relationships?
You won’t have enough saved for retirement and might have to rely on your kids to support you later in life? (Will they appreciate that you prioritized their activities over your financial security at that point?)
You’re stuck in a job you hate because you can’t afford to make a change, go back to school, or start your own business?
You’re unable to buy a home that better fits your family’s needs or take vacations that could create meaningful memories?

I know the pressure is real. I know how hard it is to say no to giving our kids the best opportunities and everything they want. And I know that some of these expenses are unavoidable in that they are partly serving a child care function.

And you don’t HAVE TO give it all up. But you do need to consider the impact that spending money on kids and their activities has on your life, your goals, and even your relationship with your kids.

With ANY spending, it's critical to evaluate it in the context of your entire financial picture. Because the reality is that nobody can afford EVERYTHING they want whenever they want (just ask the celebrities and lottery winners who have gone bankrupt).

Learn how to avoid overspending on the holidays.

Recognizing the Tradeoffs

Whether we realize it or not, we’re always making tradeoffs. When you spend money on one thing, it means you have less available for something else.

The key to managing your money well—while also living your best life—is figuring out what matters most to you and focusing your spending in those areas. Everything else? That’s where you cut back.

Know Your Priorities

Knowing what you want most makes it easier to say no to things that don’t align with those priorities. This is especially important for parents who are constantly juggling the pressure to do it all.

So, what are your priorities? What do you want most out of life? Once you have clarity on this, you can start aligning your spending with your goals. Spend money on the things that have the biggest impact on your happiness, your future, and your family’s well-being—and give yourself permission to say no to everything else.

Here’s a free worksheet to help you identify your values.

It’s Not Easy—But It’s Worth It

I’m not saying this is easy. It’s tough to say no to things that feel important, especially when it comes to your kids. But being mindful of how you spend your money and making decisions with your long-term goals in mind could significantly reduce your financial stress—and increase your overall happiness and satisfaction.

And that’s not just good for you—it’s good for your entire family.

Is Modern Parenting Causing You Financial Stress?