Maybe it sounds silly to say that there’s one thing every couple must talk about before the wedding. I mean, there’s like a thousand details to work out, right? But this one thing is something that has to come before all those other details. It’s money. Not just money though. Everything that money means: your values, your vision for the future, the kind of experience you want to have, and how it all fits together in the context of the lives you want to build together. 

The average cost of a wedding in 2019, including the ring and honeymoon, was $38,700 according to WeddingWire’s newlywed report. They also report that couples plan to spend $16,000, but end up paying closer to $29,000 for the ceremony and reception. That’s A LOT of money!

Now, I’m not here to make anyone feel bad about spending that much on a wedding. Weddings can be very wonderful, meaningful events that you will remember for the rest of your life. If you and your partner have identified that as something that you want to do and you have a plan to pay for it, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t. 

However, you must first talk to your partner to identify what is truly important. Have as many conversations as it takes, but come to some shared understanding of how this wedding fits in with your values and your shared vision of your future lives together. 

Here’s how to get started:

1. Discuss what you would like your life to look like at each stage in the future. What will it be like in ten years? When you first retire? When you’re really old? Are you going to have kids? Travel? Where will you live?

2. Identify your shared money goals. Would you like to buy a house in the near future? Are you saving for retirement? Will you need to save so your kids can go to college? These are the big ticket items that you want to be sure you can afford.

3. Evaluate how a wedding fits into your financial plans for the future. Some people might find that saving for the house they want is more important than spending $29,000 on a wedding. If you have to go into debt, will it be worth the stress it causes when you have to make all those monthly payments? Maybe one person wants to stay home with the kids and spending less on a wedding would allow you to build up enough savings to do that.

4. Once you’ve identified how much you’re willing to spend, think about what each of you are looking to get out of the wedding. Maybe it’s important to you to have a great location, but the decorations aren’t as important. Or maybe you just want to have a big party, but you don’t care about serving the most expensive, elaborate meal. Maybe you just want to have a few close friends and family members there and spend all your money on a honeymoon. There are no wrong answers here; there are only the answers that are right for you and your partner.

There are many ways to spend less on a wedding. The key to finding the right balance is to figure out what is most important to you as a couple and splurge (within reason) on those things while cutting out the things you don’t care about. 

As a society, we have certain expectations about what is supposed to happen at a wedding and we don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. We just assume that is what everyone does. But maybe it’s not. It certainly doesn’t have to be. Imagine how much happier you’ll be years down the road if you know that you were intentional in the decisions you made.

Plus, talking about money now provides a great foundation for your relationship as you navigate your new future together. 

Ready to start planning your finances as a couple? Download my free budgeting spreadsheet: