Except for the ultra-rich, paying for college is a major source of stress for most parents. It’s one of those things you don’t want to think about, but you know you’re supposed to be figuring it out. But how?!?! 

When you’re still paying off your own student loans or you’re living paycheck to paycheck, struggling to get ahead, how are you supposed to save for your darling children to go to college? You can’t even maximize your own retirement savings. 

Then you start putting your information into college calculators and watching tuition costs rise and it all just makes you want to give up. The numbers are just so big. 

If you find yourself feeling hopeless and overwhelmed at the idea of saving for college, I’ve got you. While I can’t just magically fill up your 529 plans (wish I could), I do have some tips that might help you find an affordable option to send your child(ren) to college. 

1. Get clear on your own feelings about sending your child to college. 

Parents inevitably bring their own baggage to the table when it comes to sending their children to college. How could you not? This is the future of your family we’re talking about!

It’s important to get your feelings and wishes out in the open as soon as you can. Sit down and identify what you’re hoping for and why. What was your experience with going to college? How was your education funded? What did you like? What would you do differently? Do you have your heart set on sending your child to the family alma mater? How much would you like to contribute toward your child’s education? 

Parents will have a wide variety of experiences and opinions on this question. Some parents feel it is important to let a child figure it out on their own. Some parents want to provide enough to cover a state school, but not more. Others are willing to sacrifice everything to send their child to the best school that accepts them. 

It’s helpful to identify these feelings and desires early on, and to make sure you discuss them with your partner. The last thing you want to do is explode into a giant fight in front of your child when the financial aid letters arrive. You may not agree, but hopefully you’ll be able to come to some sort of agreement, or at least understand where the other is coming from. 

2. Focus on saving what you can for college. 

If you’ve ever used one of those online college savings calculators and freaked out at the numbers, you’re not alone. The cost of college keeps rising and it feels like there is no realistic way you can ever save enough to cover it. 

These numbers can often be intimidating and make you either give up because it seems unattainable or just feel like a failure because you’re not saving enough. 

Do not despair. 

Sending your child to an expensive college with no scholarships may not be in your future, but let’s get a little perspective. There is still a spot in college for your child somewhere if they want to go (and it’s okay if they don’t). Few jobs become out of reach simply because your child doesn’t attend Harvard. Unless you plan on becoming the next Mark Zuckerberg or Supreme Court Justice, a degree from another college will not ruin your life. 

Focus instead on what you can do. Save what you can (without totally abandoning your retirement), and move on. There are more ways to pay for college and you’re not a failure if you can’t find much to save. 

3. Take care of yourself/selves. 

Please don’t save for your child to go to college at the expense of your retirement. I promise your child does not want you to pay in full for their college education only to have to support you in retirement because you didn’t save for yourself. 

I repeat: there are other ways to pay for college that don’t involve you being destitute in retirement. 

Of course, if you do have enough resources, saving for education and retirement at the same time is possible. 

4. Figure out how important college is in terms of your overall goals and values. 

If you’re reading this article, you likely feel that education is quite important. But the reason you want to think about how college ranks in your top life goals is that it might help you find more money to save. 

When you’re making a major purchase and you only have limited funds, some people find it helpful to ask if that purchase is more or less important than something else. For example, is sending your child to college more important than remodeling your kitchen? What about the new car or a fancy vacation? 

These are tough decisions and there’s no right answer, but the act of contemplating the answer can help bring you clarity. We usually get into trouble when we think of large purchases (or even smaller ones) in a vacuum rather than thinking of them in terms of our overall financial picture. 

Do I want that fancy trip to Hawaii? Yes, of course, I want that. Do I want it at the expense of sending my child to college? Hmm… So what is important about that trip to Hawaii? Is it having an adventure with my family? Or relaxing at a beach? Are there cheaper ways for me to attain that goal so I can have that experience and save for my child to go to college? 

When you start going through this thought process, you might find that a cheaper alternative is acceptable. Or not. But at least you’re clear and you won’t end up with a 17-year-old wondering how you didn’t save anything for college. 

Most of us don’t have enough money for everything and have to make choices. Being intentional with those choices will bring you a lot more life satisfaction in the end. 

5. Choose an account for your college savings. 

529 plans are a great option that allows for tax benefits when the money is used for qualified education expenses, but they are not the only option. Other possibilities include Coverdell Education Savings Accounts, IRAs and Roth IRAs, UTMAs and UGMAs, or even a taxable brokerage account. Talk to your financial advisor or a college savings specialist to figure out what might be best for you. 

Learn more about the types of college savings accounts here.

The most important thing to remember is that the act of saving (of actually putting money in the savings account) is much more important than which account you use. Don’t let indecision hold you back. 

6. Automate your contributions. 

Once you’ve decided how much you can put away, consider making it automatic. Set up a monthly transfer from your checking account to whatever savings account you choose for education. This is the best way to make sure it actually happens. Try to time it so that it leaves your checking account right after your paycheck comes in so you aren’t tempted to spend it on something else. Then you just need time to let it grow!

7. Talk to your child. 

Many families wait to talk about paying for college until the financial aid letters arrive. Too many parents end up with unhappy kids when it turns out the dream college is unaffordable. The key is to start talking about paying for college before you start visiting colleges. Framing the conversation around finding a college that is a good fit AND affordable will help you set appropriate expectations without crushing your child’s dreams. 

You have to remember that colleges are marketing to you and your child. They need students who are going to be paying that full amount to make up for the financial aid that other students receive. They know that they need to suck you in so that you can’t say no down the road. The worst thing you can do is set your hopes and dreams on one college and then just pray that you’ll somehow be able to make it happen. 

Set expectations early and make affordability part of the conversation from the very beginning. 

A college education is one of the biggest purchases a person makes in their lifetime. Yet, most families get very little help navigating the process. Once your student enters 9th grade, a CCFC (Certified College Financial Consultant) or CFP who is knowledgeable about college planning can help make the process much easier and potentially save you thousands of dollars.