Many women will, at some point, find themselves in charge of their finances—whether by choice or due to unforeseen circumstances. I’ve heard countless stories of women blindsided by a husband’s decision to leave, often draining the accounts and taking the money with them.

Others have faced the sudden loss of a spouse and been left struggling to understand how to manage their finances.

And many women stay in difficult or even dangerous situations because they don’t know how to get out. They feel trapped—without money, a plan, or the knowledge to take control.

My heart goes out to anyone who has experienced these heartbreaking situations. And if it hasn’t happened to you yet, let these stories serve as a motivation to start taking control of your finances.

Taking proactive steps now can help you protect yourself and achieve financial independence. Although this guide is designed for married women, these steps are valuable for anyone, regardless of gender or marital status.

1. Open and Maintain a Separate Bank Account

Financial independence starts with having your own money. While sharing expenses through a joint account makes sense for many couples (and can actually help couples get on the same page with their finances), maintaining your own separate account is crucial for both independence and security. This arrangement allows you to:

• Have guilt-free spending money

• Build an emergency fund

• Protect yourself from potential financial abuse

• Maintain financial autonomy

This isn’t something that you should hide from your spouse unless you are trying to leave an abusive situation. In fact, it is healthy for both spouses to have their own accounts and to be completely open about having money of their own.

2. Take an Active Role in Household Finances

It’s not necessary for both spouses to take care of administrative tasks, but both spouses should know what’s happening and how to do it. If something happens to one spouse, the other needs to be able to step in and take care of everything.

Make it a priority to:

• Understand all shared accounts and how to access them

• Know when and how bills are paid

• Track where money is being spent

• Participate in regular money check-ins with your spouse

Beyond the logistics of managing money, both partners should be making bigger financial decisions together. This is your life together and you should be discussing and planning how to use your shared resources to build the life you want as a couple.

Pro Tip: Schedule monthly financial meetings with your spouse to review expenses, discuss goals, and plan for the future.

3. Build and Maintain Your Own Credit History

It may not seem like a credit history or credit score is all that important, but it’s a tool you’ll want to have on hand if you ever need it. And it tends to be especially important when separating from a spouse.

A credit history and good credit score can help you:

• Get an apartment

• Qualify for a mortgage

• Get lower interest rates

• Pay less for certain utilities

• Qualify for certain jobs

4. Open and Contribute to Your Own Retirement Accounts

Never rely solely on your spouse's retirement planning. Every individual needs to have and contribute to their own retirement account.

Take control of your future by:

• Opening your own IRA or Roth IRA

• Maximizing employer-sponsored retirement plans, or look at plans for the self-employed

• Understanding Spousal IRA options if you're a stay-at-home parent

• Contributing regularly, even if it's small amounts

*Having your own retirement account does not necessarily mean that you’ll keep it (or at least not all of it) if you get divorced. Seek legal counsel to learn how that might work for you.

The goal of having your own retirement is to:

• Increase the amount of retirement savings you have together (which is good for everyone)

• Get you in the habit of saving for retirement

• Ensure that you are learning how to manage your retirement savings

That way, if something does happen, you’ll be far more prepared.

5. Safeguard Important Documents

Keep all important financial and identity documents in a safe location that both spouses can access. If one spouse dies, the other needs to know how to find these. If you’re considering leaving, you’ll need to make copies or take the originals with you.

In general, it’s a good idea to maintain a secure and organized system for managing:

• Tax returns

• Bank statements

• Investment accounts

• Insurance policies

• Legal documents

• Property deeds

• Vehicle titles

• Identity documents

• Marriage certificates

6. Protect Your Earning Potential

Being a stay-at-home parent can be a wonderful experience and is sometimes necessary, but it also comes with increased risks. If you lose your spouse , your marriage ends, or your spouse loses their job, you’ll need a way to earn income.

Even if you’re not working at the moment, consider:

• Keeping professional networks active

• Updating skills regularly

• Starting a side business

• Maintaining certifications

• Pursuing additional education

• Volunteering in your field

Even having an idea or plan for what you would do can be helpful.

7. Learn about Managing Money

Financial literacy is your best defense against uncertainty. Commit to:

• Reading financial books and blogs

• Listening to money-focused podcasts

• Following financial experts

• Taking personal finance courses

• Understanding investment basics

8. Consider a Pre-Nup or Post-Nup

Although many people feel uncomfortable with the idea of a pre-nup or post-nup, they are becoming more common because people are entering marriages later in life with existing wealth, resources, or children.

Legal protections can help you:

• Protect existing assets or businesses

• Ensure children from previous relationships are provided for

Pre-nups and post-nups can feel incredibly unromantic, but it’s important to remember that marriage itself is a legal agreement. If you don’t actively create your own pre-nup, you’re choosing to default to the pre-nup created by your state’s marriage laws.

Get the help of a lawyer, therapist, or other specialist if you need help navigating these discussions.

9. Work with a Financial Professional

Working with a financial professional is a great idea for anyone who wants to be doing more with their money and doesn't feel like they can do it on their own.

Don't hesitate to seek professional guidance:

• A financial coach can help with figuring out how to manage day-to-day expenses, finding more money to save, getting out of debt, and generally feeling more confident with money.

• A financial planner can help you invest, protect your resources, buy insurance, and plan out how you will use your resources for your goals and the future.

• Insurance agents can ensure proper coverage and help you manage life’s risks

• Tax professionals can optimize your tax situation

Taking Action Today

Financial security isn't about preparing for the worst—it's about being ready for anything. By taking these nine steps, you're not just protecting yourself; you're building a foundation for confidence and independence.

Even if you stay happily married for the rest of your life, you and your spouse will both benefit by having two financially savvy people who are prepared to handle whatever comes their way.

Remember, it's never too early or too late to start taking control of your financial future. Start with one small step to get started today.